--JUDAS DIARY--

DEAR Diary, I DON FUCK UP. 😭

I don't even know how to start this.

Actually, let me explain what happen from the beginning before I lose my mind.

I started suspecting those people when they started  getting close to me.

I knew they wanted something.

The way they kept asking questions about Jesus... the way they were always watching him...

I noticed it.

I just didn't realise I was the one they wanted to use .

They offered me thirty pieces of silver.

THIRTY.

And I said yes.

Dear diary, please tell me what was going through my head.

Because right now, I don't even understand myself.

I thought they wanted to arrest him.

Maybe question him.

Maybe scare him small.

How was I supposed to know they would take him to Pilate and CRUCIFY HIM?!

Now look at me.

Jesus is dead.

And everybody knows I was the one who handed him over.

I kissed him.

I actually kissed him.

Why did I have to use a kiss?

Couldn't I have just pointed?

“That's him.”

Simple.

No.

I had to kiss the man.

Now whenever anybody sees me, I can already imagine what they're thinking.

“Don't be a Judas.”

I heard they even added iscariot to my name 😭

Ah.

I've entered history for the wrong reason ooo.

And Peter...

Dear diary, I am scared of Peter.

That man already pulled a sword earlier.

A SWORD.

What exactly do you think he'll do when he sees me?

I have not seen him since everything happened and, honestly, Let it remain like that abeg

Let him stay wherever he is.

I will stay wherever I am.

Everybody should mind their business for now.

I even tried returning the money.

I went back to the chief priests and elders.

I told them I had sinned.

I told them I had betrayed innocent blood.

You know what they said?

“What's that to us?”

Excuse you!!!! What's that to YOU?

You people literally paid me to crucify someone !

Now you're acting like I came to your house and borrowed money.

Anyway, I threw the silver down.

I don't even want it anymore.

Thirty pieces of silver.

Imagine.

I thought I was making a good deal until they cast my name behind my back

Now I've signed my own name into history bad books 😭 .

Dear diary, what should I do?

Should I leave Jerusalem?

Should I find Peter and explain?

No.

Absolutely not.

Peter will cook me.

Even if he catches me, I'll remind him of when he denied Jesus too. My bro denied his master three good times. 

Let me just hide here for now.

Maybe everything will somehow fix itself.

Although...

I have a very bad feeling it won't.

If anybody asks, I am not here.

Especially Peter.

Please.

Abeg.

I am not ready to meet that man.