An average Nigerian crashout

To stay sane in Nigeria requires a little madness and a few superpowers.

I had to ask for this channel so I can vent

I recently found out MTN were siphoning our data, so I switched to Airtel (I should have known the red meant fire). Then they decided that network provision is apparently not a thing for their customers. I shamelessly went back to MTN, not knowing they had also joined the “no network” movement. The audacity of them to steal our data and still not give us the network to even use what’s left. I should be a pilot with the number of times I have switched on and off airplane mode

My phone got spoilt, and now I’m stuck with a 3G network speed  phone until I’m able to get a new one.

I HAVE TRIED TO DOWNLOAD ACADEVA 2.0 SEVEN TIMES. Seven times. Every single attempt failed because of bad network. At this point, downloading anything in Nigeria feels like a spiritual battle between you, your SIM card, and the gods of buffering.

Why is everyone stealing from us? Network providers are stealing from us, the government is stealing from us, and even in school, the lecturers are stealing from us.

In one of our courses, we pay 300 naira per class for the lecturer’s transport fare, and everyone has to pay before putting their name on the attendance sheet (he calls it the “transport list”). But the lecturer said it’s “not compulsory”  but me and you already know what that means when Nigerian lecturers say things like that.

The funny thing is that all these things have become so normal that people don’t even react anymore. Bad network? “Na Nigeria.” Random charges? “Na normal thing.” Paying for things that should already be covered? “Omo, we gats do am oo.” Everybody is adapting to dysfunction like it’s a survival skill, and somehow we still wake up every morning trying to survive again.

Everyone will do anything to survive. I even started understanding why companies like Moniepoint would rather avoid employing Nigerians after blaming everything on hookup culture and fraud stereotypes. The environment itself is pushing people into desperation, frustration, and endless hustling.

FNCK THEM. FNCK AIRTEL AND MTN FOR RAGEBAITING ME EVERYTIME . AND FNCK ALL ITEL 3G PHONES.

At this point, surviving in Nigeria feels like a full-time side quest with premium difficulty settings.

mic over to the next crashout