Tired of life but don't want to go down the Hypo route because that will be too obvious? 

Prefer a slow, painful death with a timeline?

I may have a solution for you. Cancer.

To actually get cancer, we must first understand how cancer works. And to understand that, we need to understand how cells work.

A cell is the smallest, most basic unit of life. All life starts from the cell. You started from the fusion of a sperm cell and an egg cell (a zygote). The zygote contains all the DNA and the instructions for building your body. So overtime, 1 cell becomes 2, then 4, then 8…blah blah exponential growth, then we're left with billions of cells (note that cells die everyday, it's a process). Oh, and you are alive, and breathing, and your body is made up of these cells that do all these different things.

Unfortunately, cell division isn't a perfect process. With cell division, the DNA in one cell essentially makes a copy, so now two cells born out of one now each have a copy of the DNA. This is essentially a rewrite, so the DNA specifics might change a little bit. Those little changes are known as mutations.

The body does a really good job to curb the mutations, though (as stated earlier, cells die everyday, these damaged cells die). And really, they're mostly harmless.

So how does cancer happen, then?

The mutations are mostly harmless, because the little changes in DNA touch insignificant genes. But there are some particular genes it can touch that will make it go wrong.

- The growth gene. The one that handles growth processes in your body.
- The growth suppressor gene. This one tells your body to slow down on cell division.
- The repair gene. What gets rid of DNA mistakes. (Imagine a mistake happening in the mistake fixer, omo)

So multiple mutations that affect those genes. In the same place. Over some time. Mind you your body is trying, but it can't do much at this point.

So it grows and physically manifests as tumours.

You gerrit? So now we can talk about how we can speedrun getting these mutations.

Mutations are easier to happen with mutagens. Mutagens directly affect the DNA at a more rapid rate, so your probability of cancer increases with mutagens.

Things that contain mutagens.
- Tobacco smokes
- Alcohol.
- UV rays, like from the sun.
- Microplastics (good news for you, this one is everywhere. Even in your body right now, however, odds are lower with this)
- Basically anything with radiation. X-rays, for example.
- Poor diet and obesity.

So spam all of this and you should be good. Except all these don't give you cancer, they just make your cells mutate at a higher rate. So you might not still get cancer. 

I know we were anticipating, don't be disappointed. Still keep the Hypo around as backup.